Mommy Wars? It’s your own fault.
It seems like every other day, there’s another news article or blog post about Mommy Wars. So hey, why not jump on the bandwagon?
However, I have a slightly different take on the topic; one that will most likely get me vilified by most of the Mommies involved in the Wars. But it won’t be the first or the last time that other parents roll their eyes at me or tell me how much I suck.
So many of the articles and posts focus on how everyone has their own legitimate point of view, and how we all need to respect each other, join hands, hug it out, and sing Kumbaya.
The simple fact is that people, not just mothers, judge each other. It sucks, but it’s real. It may be true that women who have squeezed out a kid or five are worse than other types of humans. I’ll give you that. But admonishing them to play nicely isn’t going to work any better than it does when you try it with a pack of rabid toddlers.
So what will work? Simple. Stop acting like a damn victim.
Women scream and howl that men treat us like the weaker gender. We rebel when we’re patted on the head, we demand respect and equal pay. Then why in the hell do you whimper and cower when some idiot who doesn’t know your kid or your marriage, or your situation cuts her eyes at you?
Do you make excuses for your religious path? “Well, see, I’d read some books, and just made the best decision I could at the time. But I’m just not sure it was right…”
Do you apologize for your choice of partners? “I didn’t know any better…it was my first spouse, so I was bound to make mistakes…but maybe with experience, I will make a better choice.”
Do you get defensive when your career choice is questioned? “But…I thought I’d be so good at accounting. My boss thinks I’m doing ok, and I get a good paycheck. Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should’ve been an arc welder instead. I just don’t know what to do!”
Every woman who gives birth for the first time is faced with a deluge of uncertainty and even fear. No one wants to ruin their kid for life. We don’t want to be that mom whose kid sits in therapy while the shrink recoils at the horrors suffered at the mistakes of the mother.
But for the love of DOG, grow a pair. No, not of breasts – you already have those. Grow a pair of brain cells. Use one to have the confidence to know yourself, your kid, and your situation. Use the other to remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
The so-called Mommy Wars exist because YOU feed them. You cannot prevent stupid people from attacking out of their own insecurities. But you can prevent the continuation of a pointless argument by refusing to engage. Whether it’s in person or online, judgmental crap oozes through. Raise an eyebrow, shake your head, move on. Responding to the judgment simply perpetuates it. “Oh! Look! She got defensive and is making excuses! She knows I’m right!”
By continuing the cycle of antagonistic behavior, you sink to the level of the very people you seek to prove wrong. Stop.
You’re a damn good mother. And you will get even better as time passes.
Know it, live it, but do not ever stoop to defend it.